Category: Guilt

• Why did I respond this way?
• Why did I do that?  
• Why did I say that?
• Why did I get mad at them? It was my fault.

Many years ago, while in my mid-twenties, I rented a house. After being there for close to a year, I fell behind on my rent. The landlord, Mr. Blackwell, a very nice man whom I liked very much, sent me my first pay-or-get-out eviction letter. For some reason, rather than understanding that this letter was necessary and that it was my fault, I got embarrassed, upset, and angry with him, and moved out. During my anger, I retaliated by leaving the water running in every sink and at every outside spigot. My intent was not to destroy but to cost him money in wasted water.  

I was the one in the wrong, yet for some reason, I retaliated against the innocent, as we see many do today.

I got upset when I was told to pay or leave. I would later talk with Mr. Blackwell, who asked me, why did you leave the water running everywhere? I had no answer other than to apologize for my misplaced anger. I have remembered this bad decision many times over the years as I disrespected this good man with anger that should have been directed only at myself.

I certainly remembered this story when, many years later, as a landlord myself, a tenant fell far behind and skipped out, leaving our house in shambles and smelling of animal urine. I spent my recovery from a hip replacement tearing out carpet, removing and replacing pee-soaked subflooring, etc., so we could sell the house. I kept telling myself as I worked each day of those two months, I had this coming, although Virginia did not deserve the stress.  

Unfortunately, it seems this type of misdirected anger is all around us every day, where self-accountability and common sense are discarded, and those in the wrong become angry at those doing the right things.  When we can’t pay our rent or mortgage, it’s not our landlords’ fault. If we break a law and are held accountable, it’s not the fault of the police or our justice system.

In my scripture-based opinion, each person is responsible for their actions. I would much rather be held accountable here on earth than for eternity. I know that forgiveness for all things is possible if we will pick up the cross and follow Jesus by keeping His commandments, and that God is capable of mercy and of forgetting our sins. Still, I don’t believe Scripture teaches that forgiveness releases anyone from accountability.  

Matthew 6:12, Proverbs 28:13, Romans 8:1-3, Romans 14:12, 2 Corinthians 5:10, Matthew 12:36, Luke 12:48, Isaiah 43:25, Hebrews 5:12, Jeremiah 31:34

God First!