The best life is a God First life

Category: Fornication

The 20-year battle within – Part 2

We have now been together for 41 years, not long after we married on Feb 14th 2003, I told Virginia I wanted to go back to Church. This literally scared her, and she bawled. In her mind, my desire equated to me not thinking she was good enough. I assured her this was not the case. When I attended, I would arrive late for Worship and leave immediately. I thought that if people got to know too much about my life, they would try to change it, so I stayed very private at first. However, I remained consistent in my efforts to attend and learn, and eventually began attending all the Bible classes and evening services.
I was also a friend of Jimmy Miller, the minister at the time, whom I had known when I was a faithful teenager, so at that time, I mostly only talked with Jimmy.

Though we had corrected the marital part of our lives, there were other parts of my life that, in light of God’s Word, I thought conflicted with a selfless pursuit of following Christ; however, as my faith and understanding grew through study and application, so did my desire and efforts to address or replace those issues with better choices and habits as well.

Although few knew of my past at the time, I decided to repent publicly and move forward, asking the Church for forgiveness for those wayward years. As I attended, I would invite my wife, but only occasionally, as doing so constantly would irritate her. One Sunday morning, Virginia said yes and went with me. She then began attending with me sporadically, but over time, she came with me to every service and Bible study. Jimmy had some one-on-one Bible studies with us, and Virginia concluded she needed to be baptized into Christ.

My wife had been raised Catholic; she had adopted atheism from her previous husband, who was killed in a motorcycle accident, and on March 23, 2010, about 7 years after our marriage, she was immersed in the waters of baptism for the forgiveness of her sins and became a disciple of Christ, a Christian. During her immersion, it was noticed that her elbow did not go underwater, so they baptized her twice. I then teased her that her sins were so bad she had to be double dunked. 🙂 There is nothing that could make me waver again!

I pray that anyone reading this who may be in a similar situation will begin now, set it right, and never waver again. It’s comforting to have certainty in our souls’ condition, knowing we will spend eternity with Jesus. 1 John 5:13

  • God’s Grace: Ephesians 2:8, Romans 3:24, Titus 2:11, Acts 15:11
  • Hearing the Gospel:– Romans 10:17, John 8:32
  • Belief/Faith: – Hebrews 11:1, John 8:24, Romans 10:17, Acts 3:19
  • Repentance of sin: – 2 Cor. 7:9-10, Luke 13:3-5, Acts 17:30
  • Confess Christ: – Romans 10:9-10, Matthew 10:32-33, Luke 12:8-9
  • Baptism by immersion for forgiveness of sin: – Matthew 16:15-16, 1 Peter 3:21, Acts 2:38, Mark 16:16, John 3:5, Matthew 28:18-20, Ephesians 4:5, Romans 6:3-4, Colossians 2:12, Acts 8:36-39, Mark 1:9-10, John 3:23

God First!

The 20-year battle within – Part 1


“I really need to go back to church,” I carried this thought in my mind for over 20 years; however, after my first marriage failed, I made destructive choices, destructive to my soul and my example to others. Choices that pulled me away from the teachings of God’s word. I met the woman who would one day become my wife, and though we were not yet married, we moved in together with my three-year-old son, who was in my custody.

I knew enough of God’s Word to recognize my choice was wrong, but I ignored God and spent the next 20 years living in direct opposition to Christ’s teaching. Arrogantly and foolishly thinking that if I died, I could claim ignorance, or use the perceived loophole of justification, that since we had the commitment of marriage, we didn’t need the paper. In my arrogance, I thought that if I came before Christ at Judgment, I’d be able to explain the circumstances that led to my situation, and Jesus would make an exception for me and respond: Oh, that makes sense and not hold me eternally accountable, yet Scripture points out that Jesus will and must treat everyone equally. Peter opened his mouth and said: “Truly I understand that God shows no partiality, but in every nation anyone who fears him and does what is right is acceptable to him.” Acts 10:34-35.

I was not doing what I knew was right, and by following my own desires, I was dismissing God’s Word, which means I was dismissing God.

There are no words to truly express how sorrowful I am today for these ungodly decisions, and my example during those years, nor for how grateful I am that I lived through them to the point of correction and repentance.

During this time, I deliberately stopped laying claim to the name “Christian” or attending services, thinking that my absence somehow made me less of a hypocrite. I look at these words now and think HOW SAD, how could I have been so foolish? I then avoided Christian friends, influences that might prompt my repentance or lead to any conversation about my salvation. By doing so, I ignored everything I knew to be true about my soul’s condition. I even prayed occasionally that it would not take a major heartache to prompt my return home, thinking I would set things right. However, if I had lost my life during those years, Jesus would have had no choice but to say, “‘I never knew you; depart from me, you worker of lawlessness.’ See Matt 7:21-23

Although I thought, in those early years, that I had faith and believed, my understanding was built on sand; I was no better than the demons mentioned in James 2:19, who believed and feared.

Had I truly understood, as I do today, the gravity of my decisions and the destructive power of my example, I would never have allowed myself that first inch into such a lost position so far away from hope.

Jesus’s message of love and forgiveness does not grant me special privileges in the name of forgiveness. I had no right to ignore His teachings and live as I wanted. Those commands, those teachings we find in Scripture, are there for a reason. I thought I knew God’s Word, but after I returned to the fold, I attended every class I could and discovered how little I truly understood.

I pray that anyone reading this who may be in a similar situation will begin immediately, set it right, and never waver again. It’s comforting to have certainty in our souls’ condition, knowing we will spend eternity with Jesus. 1 John 5:13

Acts 3:17-19, James 4:17, 1 Corinthians 10:11, Matthew 12:36, Acts 2:38, Luke 13:3, 2 Peter 3:9, 2 Chronicles 7:14, Ephesians 5:5, 1 Corinthians 6:18, 1 Corinthians 6:9, Matthew 15:19

God First!

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