I was taught that using foul language often reveals more about a person’s vocabulary and self-control than about the strength of their argument. Disrespectful, hateful, or crude words are frequently a feeble attempt to gain attention or dominate a conversation when clearer, more respectful language would do a better job.

This lesson was driven home for me years ago. A store manager falsely accused me of bringing in stolen Coke bottles for a deposit refund. What he didn’t know was that my dad had sent me with the bottles from his company—that’s why I had so many. When my dad heard about the accusation, he became furious—his face turned red with anger—and he immediately went to the store to confront the manager face-to-face in my defense. As a 16-year-old, I was struck by what happened next. Without using a single curse word, my dad made his points so clearly and firmly that the manager later told me he felt “so low he needed to pull his socks down to see.” The manager was impressed. He apologized to me and asked for forgiveness.

That experience left a lasting impression. Even in justified anger, we can still treat others with respect. My dad made his case powerfully while treating the manager the way he would have wanted to be treated. When we are wrong, we need the humility to own it and make it right—exactly as the manager did.

Scripture speaks clearly on this:

“If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.” (James 1:26, ESV)

“But no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.” (James 3:8–10, ESV)

We will give account for every careless word (Matthew 12:36–37), and we are not to take the Lord’s name in vain (Exodus 20:7). Our speech should build up rather than tear down (Ephesians 4:29).

I’ve not always lived this out perfectly, but the principle remains true: strength is not measured by the volume of our curses, but by the clarity, respect, and self-control of our words.

See also: Colossians 3:8; Colossians 4:6; 1 Peter 3:10; Proverbs 15:1; Proverbs 18:21.

God First!